Beautiful mind and heart too!

It was a boring Saturday nite and I happened to surf some movie channels.. came across the movie 'A beautiful mind'. I was somehow reminded of this movie name, as suggested by many of my friends as a must watch, though never really got a chance...

The movie was already half over..still managed to gather some info from the set top box. It was about the fight that a scheizophrenic person puts up against his disease even when he is totally helpless as the problem is actually his brain.

Well..every scene in this movie is a masterpiece..and I was speechless
Take for instance the scene where the guy knows his disease,is totally helpless but still challenges his doc against taking electric shocks and medicines. He tries to convince his wife to leave since he was dangerous. His wife still remains with him and tells him that whatever his mind makes him feel or see is not real..the only real thing is him and her and their hearts together. Whenever he is faced with any delusion he should only believe only in this truth and nothing else. And that's how the guy never gives up and learns to ignore his delusions and life a happy life..with his wife being the constant pillar of support.

This movie also reminds us of similar situations in most of our lives..where we are totally helpless...where our mind may not be able to provide the perfect answer..and maybe heart can or vice versa..is true! This realization may not come to us all of a sudden but only when someone who cares for you, reminds you that.

Then..what do do you do.. Just choose to live through the situation with your loved one and ignore the worst parts as rightly said by movie's male protagonist - "It's only in the complex equations of love that you realize what logic is."

Lovely movie and amazing message..was totally mesmerized by it! Sigh!

Thou shall fall.. to rise again Phoenix - wise

7th Grade – Me and my brother got our first red Atlas cycle. We were so excited about our gift that we kept pestering our Dad by asking silly questions-
“How much time will we take to learn cycling?”
“Ok..How much time did you take?”
“Should we drive fast or should we be very slow?”
“How will we balance it without putting our both feet on the ground?”
“This tyre is so slim..What if a dog comes..and what if it’s a buffalo? The cycle will skid.”
“Ok..How will we take a turn while cycling (biggest fear)…Should we also move in synch?” ..and..so..on and on..
Finally after answering a few of the logical ones..and telling us about the functioning of the brakes and the pedals..Dad coolly told us -
“Just sit and I will hold the cycle from back to balance it for you till you learn to balance it yourself. You both are smart enough to learn it real quick. Every successful beginning requires a sacrifice. So, don’t be afraid of falling and shedding a little blood because that is how you will learn by overcoming all your fears. .”

So, I kept my first foot on the paddle..barely managing the second one, holding on to father on one side and mom on the other…and there..I started off with Dad running to match the pace..So much for the exercise for him too.:)

After four or five rounds when I finally managed to balance the cycle, Dad left his hand without letting me know and I drove fast..very fast to keep my balance in place and excitement was on its peak. But on the next turn, I saw a scooter coming and did not act on reflex to pull the brakes. The next reflex…I pushed my legs on the ground..and poof…with mud all around..there I was on the ground..all four corners..my new cycle beside me.

Yes! There were little drops of blood dripping from my knees but I was really happy to see them because I knew that now I would be perfect at cycling. My brother was way ahead of me..getting both his elbows bruised but he learnt much faster than me.

Day1 and we both were bikers. Thanks to Dad for his advice and Mom for her silent support by just watching us for hours.

Here it goes..a learning for lifetime...
Not everything can be learnt theoretically. There will be people to support you and advice you for sometime. Appreciate and learn from what they tell you. But after that, only you will need to deal with circumstances practically and head-on. You might even have to make a lot of sacrifices. You might fall down and get hurt badly in the process but do not let the fear of unknown stop you because it is ok to get hurt for what you want best.
Just be sure to rise again amidst all such failures and fallbacks because only that defines your endurance limit and your inner strength..and you do have a lot of it. It’s just that you need someone to assure you that and then…

You will rise from the Ashes, soar like Phoenix towards the Zenith as your Horizon lies there!

All about feeling 'Special'!

Ya ya..I can see the stretching of your lips into a gentle smile..you are already thinking of people who make you feel that way..make you feel 'Special' by not saying a single word and yet saying it all..in what they do..in how they care..and just by being there. And you can’t seem to thank them less!

So, how do they manage to do it? I mean..sometimes is fine..but always??..
It's not that happens only with you..these people are so miraculous that any person with them will feel special.

Some peculiar traits of such angels in my life and maybe yours too..

They are there to spread happiness around you..by taking care of you in their own small ways..by being selfless yet demanding :)..but still being themselves...

They are never overbearing, yet present when you need them most...Always trying to cheer you up when you are in the worst of your moods.

They know what you have in mind..some kind of telepathy it seems..but will respect your space..Will always be there to give you a patient ear..to sort out your problems..without even letting you know.

They know your faults. Still, they will never criticize you, but will find out a way of telling that to you in an assertive way..in a way that you would want to listen and make efforts to improvise yourself. They will not love you or hate you for your obvious qualities but they will love you for a person you are or you want to be. To say the least, they will be a constant support throughout, totally dependable!

And that's what makes them 'Special' for you too...because it feels good to know that they will stand by you, embrace all your faults…and be there in your struggle with everything else!

Ah..Now I am smiling too.. ;)

Passive Acceptance or Resistance?

Typical human tendency..to hold on to things..to try and control life..to try and change its gears..but with "Destiny" playing its own games..all efforts go for a toss. Then what? Should we fight back..Try and change the course of life..again and again..until all the efforts are in vain??!!

I have seen it and can vouch for it..No person is strong enough to alter what has already been written..however hard we may try! Yet..I have also known a dim light..to enlighten the darker side of life.

It's the path of Passive resistance or rather Passive acceptance. It's this what defines the basic truth of life(for me at least) - "Let things happen for us and we don't try and disturb them...else, in the end, what we will get..is only pain! Everything happens for good. We just have to wait and watch..be a mere spectator..rather..be passive. All will fine, if only we hope for the best and just do our due."

I know many would not agree to this..they may be right too. I'm just trying to suggest something here..which has turned out to be the best for me always.. In case it helps you too..then my job is done.. :)

"You can learn and get the best only when you experience all that is due to you -
Courtesy,
Your Faithful Destiny"

"Okie..My dear Destiny..I get your point..Letz just wait and watch..what more you have to offer!"

I understand you!

A mere blink of eyes..
A constant gaze which ends with a "Hmm"..
A positive nodding of head..
A tap on your head and a brush on your hair too..
A smile that's so true..
All of these say..I understand you..

Even though you may doubt yourself, your decisions and everything else happening in your life..Still there will always be people..some angels who will trust you.. maybe they do not....but will be there to understand you..to support you..alwayz..
Cheerz to all of them..who have stood by me..and continue doing so..just because I know.. how hard it is to deal with a phycho moron like me!

Bhagwan un sab ka bhi bhala zaroor karega..of this I'm pretty sure.. :)

Buggers..****

OK!..I admit...I do loose my temper even after trying my level best...even after applying all my tactics to control it..

You know that the person talking or arguing in front of you is giving you ****shit ..Since you don't want to indulge in any of this or spoil your mood..you stop talking..
Still that person has awesome guts to poke you again and again by telling you that you are wrong and you are damn sure..that the person in front of you is most dumb creature on earth .. is the heights of insanity and obviously has no grounds to prove his/her point...
This person will never admit his/her fault and instead will find something or the other to blame it on..I mean how does such a person manage to hide his/her brilliant level of surprisingly low intelligence quotient...You can always guess it when he/she opens his/her mouth.

Another one of its kind - These people have no knowledge of what your doing and what is expected.. you are giving your best..Still! They will sit on your head and tell you that you are not doing it right..even when you have been an expert at it..When you ask them if they have ever done it before or are they even aware what it is...the answer is "NO"(Bloddy ********) To hell with such bossy people..How can they pass judgments when they don't even know what it is about..??
I am really fed up of such seemingly rare variety of people, whom I have met at some point or the other...and my anger has soared to the peaks..(to mention the least!)

A humble request to all such people - Plz Plz..Plz...
Not accepting your faults will never help you out..It's simply your escapist tendency..Cut it out..Accept that you have loopholes too... There are people who will always love you if you just can admit the wrongs done and not blame others for it..or rather stop giving lame excuses for it.
For the other kind - Get a life...or else there will always be some people who will surely get the superiority complex out of your brains..Then only you will be appreciate others for what they are doing and not taking credit by just bossing around and doing nothing..

Jai Hind! :P

Smile all the way through!

When I was a kid, I used to cry when I didn’t want to go to school or when my teacher scolded me for bringing pickle in tiffin as it was not healthy..when a boy in my class broke my first yellow hair band…Pools of tears ran down my face on small small things…That’s when my mom always used to tell me – “Look at the girl out there, she looks so good when she smiles but will she look good if she doesn’t? So if you want to look good, smile always and do not cry over petty things in life. If you are happy then everything will be automatically good.” Hmm..some convincing argument my mom gave and that smile stuck on my face ever since. 

My teachers thought – “Why does this girl always smile for no reason” and the verdict was announced within 2 min time – “Nimisha..Please stand up! This girl..she is always upto some mischief.” 
..although I never was..It’s just that I had promised myself to maintain the smile even when my thoughts were just the opposite..not so happy..(boring classes) Anyhow my teachers also understood my habit and they got used to my cheery face..

It was also because of this attitude that I now have loads of loving friends.. they used to tell me – “It feels good when we talk to you because be it the worst exam you have had or the worst tensions you have, we have never seen you loose that smile..In fact, you are the rarest of kinds who laughs after knowing that you have screwed you exam badly.” On hearing this..I used to laugh even more showing my irregular teeth as if they were some lucky charm. But yes..it felt good to know that you are there to cheer up people when they need it most…when ..even they are feeling low.. In my hearts I always used to question – “isse bura kya hoga” and yes.. since I was always prepared for the worst “bura hota bhi nahi tha”.

Off late that smile has diminished..and I hate it to the core..
Simple reason – growing up and expecting a lot from life..trying to resist myself from facing the unkown or the worst. Somewhere I have lost that smile and the attitude to fight back the worst by being prepared for it.

Today..I promised myself..
I won’t crib anymore..I won’t let my smile fade with the complexities of life..I will stop expecting from life because everything will happen for best…I will smile all hearts and clear the life’s toughest exam..for sure..

Someone next to God!

It was just some random usual discussion with someone elder to me in every sense...Whatever that person spoke, makes so perfect sense. Here it goes -
"In your age, you will be always confused about what Love is and will attach all sorts of why's, how's to it. As far as I know it, it is something which teaches you to bow or surrender yourself and your ego for that special someone in your life. You will want to agree with someone on even the most insane things possible in this world. And that is when you know you are in Love..That is when you know you have achieved someone next to your parents..someone next to God...because we human beings bow only before them. In short, you will experience another form of worship by bowing to the greatest will of God - which actually is Love in disguise."
Phew! Some real words of enlightenment for my soul or for anybody else who needs it. Really, this knowledge can only come by experience and I'm glad to meet such people who do help me in shaping up what I believe in.

Gana ae ya na ae..Gana chaiye..wo bhi dil se!

I have been listening to some odd varieties of many-a-songs these days, some from good albums, some suggested by friends and some making a direct connection with the heart.
It’s strange how soulful songs have an immediate effect on the ‘chemical locha’ in your brain and can have a solid impact on the feelings of your heart. I was just wondering how..

You just catch a glimpse of someone and you feel that you have known him/her forever. In the background, some beautiful melodious instrumental will start playing and your feelings take a home-run. That’s what I assume to be the perfect definition of love at first sight. When you are in love, even the slightest of romantic music gives you a kick. You hear the name of that person in every beautiful song. You will even end up bothering people around by playing the same songs over and over again but that one person never seems to understand. Really sad!
Some examples I can relate to:
Kaun hai wo ladki..rehti hai wo kaha..
Is deewane ladke ko koi samjae..
Kuch to hua hai..Kuch ho gaya hai..

When breakups happen, you will actually hear a crashing sound. Such cases you will revert to the saddest possible gazals and relate to them for all good reasons. :D
Some hilarious ones:
Deewaro se milkar rona acha lagta hai…hum bhi pagal ho jaenge aisa lagta hai..
Chupke chupke raat din ansu bahana yad hai…

When you are unable to express guilt or ask for forgiveness from someone when he/ she is not ready to listen, you start talking to yourself with the song lyrics as a medium. You will try to bug that person also by cajoling him/her to listen to the song. It's your luck then if the other person really understands what you have been trying to convey so indirectly.
Don’t even remember when these songs were released..:
Humse ka bhool hui jo ye saza humka mili…
Daddi amma daddi amma maan jao…(pretty old ..hmmhh..)

Actually I think there is a better way of using songs in any given situation:
Just sit in front of GOD and play some bhajan or whatever song you will want the others to listen. Maybe God will understand your feelings and do something about or he might enjoy the song as well. (What say bhagwanji?? :) )

Wat are you hiding?!

Sometimes you wish that your deepest secrets be buried real deep, in the depths of your heart..because you know that you can never explain or reason them out to others. You know that it will give you and your loved ones less pain if you just shut yourself up. This is what I call one kind of selfishness where you want to save others from your burden, by hiding things. You just want to see them happy with the smallest of lies.

But then your guilt feeling drives you to tell them the hidden truths which in my opinion is another variety of selfishness. This way you end up relieving yourself but you forget that others will have to bear that burden now.

So, what should you do??
The first option is a safe option where you know that the only person getting hurt is you. Others may get hurt for now but it better to save them from the worst.
The second is an option where everyone is bound to get hurt but with a relief factor, that you are free of all burdens in your heart.

At every point of your life, you will have to choose one of the above even if you are not very sure..Well only time will decide that for you.
For now...I'm just sure of one fact and living it through-
"Some things are best left unsaid.."

Go Fat and round! guyz! ;)

‘Marriage’ - The hot topic of the season, is now on almost all my friend’s or their parent's top priority list, in case they are not hitched yet. Most of us who have no idea of what it will be like or how the spouses will be, go on and on, discussing the dilemmas and the uncertainties revolving around the subject. There are also some who know about it and even have their best match but then, there are other uncertainties surrounding it. Anyways, the point I’m making here is.. It’s not only me who has been so low in spirits about this marriage thing, but there are others too.

Whom should I share my questions with, when I know the other person is also in the same water? I mean nothing bad meant for anybody but just a long wait before I can see their happy duplicate faces around me. Life is hard for everyone at some point or the other. I just can’t stop laughing about it now.

‘Logo ka gum dekha to me apna gum bhool gai!’

p.s. - About the ‘duplicate faces‘ thing – I have heard this from many people that when the boy and the girl marry, they start looking alike after sometime.
The only reason which I could guess to justify this was - Both of them get fat and round since they are happy and …round faces are all the same.. Just kidding guys.. Cheer up!

Flip Sides!

I am staring at the blank space out of the window.. millions of thoughts cloud my mind. The intensity of the piercing wind magnifies their effect on me.

I am intimidated by the fact that there are some people who never seem to understand what you mean, however hard you try to tell them or maybe you even stop telling them when you get tired. Even years or acquaintance with them would never suffice to make them acknowledge the fact that your intentions were always good. So, I have given up trying with such people and left it all to God. If he is doing it then he will make it right too, in his on time and his own way.

Then.. There are some people whom you meet for the first time or even talk just once.. and you feel the instant connection or what I call the miraculous mental match. These are the people who always have faith in you much more than you have in yourself. They will always stand by you no matter what happens. It’s because of these people that all my fears and uncertainties just vanish in thin air. My life seems so much more beautiful since I have known a lot of them…

Two flip sides of the coin called Life!

Senseless Crabby me!

Things are becoming more and more difficult to understand now-a-days.I'm becoming more and more difficult for others to handle. But how can I help it when even I'm not sure of what I want or look forward to?!

I do believe that there are people out there, who have also faced the same sane-insane vagaries of life. If this is true, then even they would be super confused too. So,how do they deal with it?? Ummm..Just guessing!!

It is always easy when you yourself are not involved in any problem or you are just a third party where you can pass a reasonable judgement or advice to someone to deal with it. But!! When you find yourself amidst it, all your powers of reason take a toss. You just can think wisely or decide what is best for you.

It is at these times that I realize what 'patience' actually means and how much courage it takes to have faith in it. "You just need to wait long enough for things to settle in place and then everything will be crystal clear and make perfect sense."

This is what I have always done when things are messed up big time and there is no way out. That is how I will be dealing with things, now too. So, all those who are bugged up and tired of my sad and confused talks or who have given up the idea of understanding me, trust me please. Give me some time and I will be back with the cheery face and all time happy side of me.

P.S. - My writings are sad or gloomy because I want to write and throw out all negative feelings. Happy blogs are rare from me because I live through the happy times and want to keep them with me. So, please bear even if you feel bad about this side of me. I won't be doing that for long!

PINKY PROMISE ;)

Deal with it!

Growing up was easy when we were kids.
You could bang someone's head and fight with your friend's if they didn't play with you. There was no time for attachments, no use of brain or heart and no creepy feeling of being left alone. I always found someone new and much more happening then. And then the games went on and on.

Years pass by and I'm busy saying goodbyes to my friends, hoping to meet them sometime some - place. Why do changes always have to be this way.

It is the worst kind of feeling when you that the people you like best will not be visibly there for you always. You will have to bear the heart aches, cut your attachment with them and leave them to get your life going.

This has happened with me so many times now and I'm still not used to it. I just wish that I could rush back to all those times, be there, hold on to them and have all the gala times back. Sigh!

10..9..8..7..Take a deep breath!

I had overheard some guy saying - "She is a girl..She was bound to make it through the interview." And then he said - "All girls are the same.." I made it a point to shout at him and tell him - "Boss..Do tell this to your wife, with whom you are not even able to utter a single word..And here you are behaving like a King showing off your male chauvinistic attitude. Let's just see how great you are, in your life, with that kind of attitude."

I used to bury myself in the pillow to curb the disastrous sonic when I failed to succeed in anything. I mean, how is it possible when you do everthing right and still things don't go your way?!

Me and my friend fought for continuous hours just to prove our points.

I have seen some people cleverly concealing their true intentions or their true self and I used to get real pissed off.

I met another typical flirt and I wished to punch his guts out and tell him..."Boss, You or your charming ways are nothing new to me. You wish to save your life, better run on the marathon track. And don't you dare mess with me."
Arrghhh....

Typical incidents of my life..where I was brimming with ANGER and found no way out except for figthing back or shouting in a lone room, till my anger cooled off. With the kind of temper I have had, I was always pissed off at something or the other. At first this anger was only meant for the deserving ones but later as it became a habit..I found no way out. I used to get frustated and angry at small things and then brood over my choice of sharp words.."I shouldn't have said that or this..or anything..".

The guilt period after my anger cooled off was much much longer than I imagined even if the other person was wrong. I always thought.."There must be better way of handling things than getting angry and losing control." I hate being out of control. Even my friend's started telling me - "Maybe you are right at times but if you can just be mild in what you say..It would be really great." So, that was it..

I decided that I had to get rid of this temper tantrum. Someone suggested meditation..but with kind of busy state of mind I have..it was impossible. Counting numbers to cool down your anger or any such trick was of no result. I then came upon a book on anger management around 4 years back. I know people would never agree that books can help in any such case but still I thought of giving it a try. And believe me it has worked wonders for me..curbing around 70% of my short temper problem. This book had some very basic facts and things to ponder upon and no special techinques were required to implement them -

We get angry -
When someone has a different view point than ours and is not ready to listen.
Remedy - Always remember the other person is not always wrong. Put yourself in his/her shoes and just learn to appreciate the different opinions of people around you.

We get angry -
When we feel cheated.
Remedy - Try to be extra generous and good with that person and have pity on him/her. Someday or the other, he/she is bound to understand to his/her mistake and will repent. And even if that does not happen, God is there to watch out in time. Forgive and forget. Always wish the best for them..coz what you reap is what you sow.

We get angry -
When things don't go as planned.
Remedy - Be patient, that's the key. Watch out for the master plan which life has in store for us. Just live the present moment and expect nothing less than best in future. Accept the gifts of life happily.

We get angry -
When someone is a hypocrite or is playing games.
Remedy - Try to outsmart that person by reasonable actions and not words. There is no point arguing with such people. Get into his shoes and understand his/her mentality and then just surprise him/her. You can always outsmart people this way.

We get angry -
When we are blamed for something we have not done or we had the best intentions in doing it.
Remedy - If you are at mistake, accept. If not, then don't shout. Just wait for things to settle and give proofs rather than verbal logic. If he/she undertands then well and good. If not then, why should you give a damn when you know you are right.

One more thing, people will never be willing to listen to you when you shout or when you say harsh words. Before telling it out to them, just see, how you feel when you listen to whatever you were going to say.

So, that's the basic funda..talk slowly, echo your words in your mind and learn to forgive even before someone asks for it. Well.. who knows..this will even boost your ego. :D

I have been trying this all out and it has really worked for me except for some minor havocs. Give it a try if you are also having same.

O rain..O rain!

Here comes the July madness with an everlasting cool breeze to pamper your senses, a light drizzle to wash away the worries of your soul and make you feel delighted in a way, that you feel everyday is a honeymoon time of your life. Well that may not be the case with everybody around but that’s what I suggest to my married buddies. As for me, it’s all in my brain (shshhh)!

Rains always have a strange effect on me! I experience such roller coaster rides of memories, of fantasies which leave me staring at the blank space with the sound of raindrops hypnotizing and boosting the effect.
I love the rains for the sheer splattering of the raindrops ;I relive the moments of snuggling in the warm bed, taking short naps every now and then(studying less, sleeping more); peeking from under the covers and telling my brother to get up else mom will surely be out of patience. But then, mommy dear comes with milk and breakfast..

KAIDI NUMBER EK..OUT OF BED! NoW!
KAIDI NUMBER DO..BRUSH NoW! Or you both know your incharge very well.
(What a stare mom and what a weird sense of humour!duh)

Slowly we manage to crawl (after a few mutual kicks and a brawl)..and then we are shift our tables in the Verandah to get a better view of the beautiful morning outside. My brother does manage to concentrate well despite the awesome nature of the weather. But, hey did you see me?? There is a great thinker (or rather a philosopher) in the making..laid back on her chair, with the pen on her forehead and staring at the vast expanse of the dark clouds..she is bound to be the harbinger of change which the world seeks today.

Almost 4 hrs pass by and my brother is getting real worried –

DD, DD, DD, DD! Hellooooo…KAIDI NUMBER DO..Are you again in your Calvin’s world??
Oh God..(When will my Brother understand?! Sigh!) KAIDI NUMKBER EK..Just look at the clouds, dark like death. What if the floods come and we all die? What if the clouds burst just like they show in Micky Mouse cartoons? I need to build Noah’s ark now, save you all and my friends..(KOI BHI NAHI CHUTNA CHAIYE!)

Sad enough..KAIDI NUMBER EK was hysterically laughing his guts out and telling our incharge(mom).. DD gai kam se..Faasi dedo ise.. (So much for my bright ideas to save the world! Seems my brother’s idea was much better..Aristotle kinds! My mother was even considering it seriously.) The savior, the thinker, the philosopher in me died (only till the next rains come :p)..courtesy my brother. (God only knows who will save the world now..sigh!)

I love the rains for puddles of water, which I splash on my friends after racing towards home from office bus. These small runs leave me so excited that I again run back with my friends, with the paper boats in hand. We put the boat carefully in water and watch it float one inch. Yippe..CHAL GAI! We clap our hands and shout on the top of our voices (obviously when nobody is watching ;)), until it drowns. Or until some of our neighbors start noticing our foolishness and give us cold vibes.

I love the rains for the wet long drives on empty roads, soaring to 100km/hr and then stopping at nothing (except for a slip or a miss or a major accident and that too head on)! It’s like kicking the grounds every now and then and flying higher and higher with each kick! The only thing which can stop me is the roadside ‘Tapri’ and the sizzling hot tea.

I love the rains for the rainbows with the soft music playing in the back of my mind! Vivid romantic thoughts cloud my mind (B* all of them, they piss me off too!). Life seems more beautiful when the colors of the rainbow seep deep inside and I soak them all. I get nostalgic with the memories of the people I love, the gala time spent with them, the weirdness and the crazy fights I had with them. And do you even know that I even imagine being normal someday (too much of an expectation, you see)!
So much for the love of rains; Should save some of it now! I just wish to see all the colors of the life’s rainbow..Oh I wish I wish! :)

They make me happy!

It's human nature to keep searching for happiness and that was how..tired of my mundane life, I decided to join JYOT (an english teaching activity for housekeeping in Infy involving loads of volunteers) about 2 years back. I thought maybe this was one way I could really make a difference to someone's life in a selfish way(selfish - because I wanted to be happy).

My first day started with getting in touch with the supervisors and housekeeping in a meeting to decide their class schedule. It was a real funny start. The housekeeping people stood against two walls and I called out their names to rearrange themselves. Then, before I could even complete calling out names, they started pushing each other to move, just like KG kids do. And how could I miss their side glances which said it all - "Are we really going to study again? I mean, like we are so grown up.huh..". Ohkey, I get the message - "You guys will be tough to deal with!."

Then it all went smooth and having classes with them was really a patience test. You have to make them mug up Alphabets and their pronunciations ( like baccho bolo, firse bolo), then give them homework, check spellings, scold them even when they are so elder than you. Pretty much a job of teaching a kiddo, who had loads of questions in mind. It was one such class of teaching basics of introducing yourself to one another when I gave them some 4-5 sentences and in a mood of jest, one of them asked me - "Hello mam. I'm Ganesh! Are you married?" 'Good one!'..I said somewhat embarrassed. But looking at their smiling faces, I said - "You all are learning pretty fast!" :)

It was good to see them write small essays, their daily register entries and they even started teaching their kids at home to improvise more. Considerable amount of change, seeing that they started wishing me "GoodMorning" here and there( a little bit of show off on their side ;))

Later as I got involved, we started on some new grounds too. On these line, this saturday, we got a chance to finally have an AIDs session arranged for them after a tiring effort of getting everything in synchronization. There was a a guy named Avinash from Deepgrah NGO who understood our plight related to logistics and assured us that he will come whenever the internal matters were resolved. I guess that more than a respite for us. The event was such a success and the enthusiasm displayed by Avinash and his team and our housekeeping staff is beyond description. There were some hillarious moments too, in the street play where they asked our staff(in a very typical manner) to tell us where the red light area girl Sarita(fake name)lived in Pune and each and every person was blushing(as if they actually knew). Even the NGO people were amazed by the campus and the feel of the session.

So, that's how, I have been happy for quite a while by making other's happy.There is no satisfaction which matches this one. And..Oh! Did I forget to mention about the training I'm getting out of it, to have somewhat higher levels of patience! :)

Comfort Zone!

Some habits never die. I’m the kind of a person who constantly needs her head filled up with multiple thoughts or tasks to worry about. And once was alone with an empty mind, I find myself saying the good ol’ word again and again –“I’m very bored! ” I even used to throw tantrums at home and ask my father to take me out. This is a regular habit of mine since I was a kid. I used to get a lot of scolding from my Mom and Dad for this. At first they used to take me and my brother out to places or ask us to play some games but later even they were tired of my complaining. It is then they took my class, as I see it-
My Dad asked me – “Tell me what according to you is being bored?”
I was like –“I don’t know. I don’t feel good about doing something. I’m not comfortable. It’s like I have a kind of empty feeling. I am just not able to describe it!”
My Dad – “Hmm..Now that’s a big problem. What do you like to do best? I suppose you like playing. Then play in your free time. One can only get bored when he/she is not busy or is not doing anything of his/her interest. So, go and play then!”
I am still bogged down- “No Dad, Playing the same game again and again makes me feel more bored as it becomes a routine.”
My Mom – “True! So, then you should find new games to develop more interest. Or, better do something you don’t like at all.”
I ‘m so confused –“Why would I do that when I’m not comfortable doing something?”
My Dad at his best – “Understand one very important thing in life, once something becomes routine, it is sure to get on your nerves and you will not feel happy about doing it anymore; which, in your words, is getting ‘bored’. Then, at that time you need to decide, how to make it more interesting by using ways and means, which you generally never thought of. You can also meet up new friends and use their suggestions. This way you will have a whole bunch of new friends and a lot more fun with what you do.
My Mom was like gyani atma- “You should also understand that we generally do things which we like and since we like it, we become pros at it and then all charm is gone. There isn’t any challenge left in doing it. Therefore, I want you to do something which you never thought you are capable of doing or you don’t like. Don’t have any fears that you will be a failure or something. Just do it with you whole heart and the results will show. Else you will be satisfied that you gave your best and that is what should matter. Just be the best in whatever you do and then tell me if you ever get bored!”
Well, after all this Gyan, I was really confused. But, I did start, quite a good start with two new hobbies adding up–
Sketching - Learnt minute details from my father.
Cooking- When mother was not at home (:P) . I hated cooking very much earlier. (It was now my mother’s turn to get pissed off with my dishes in her absence!)
So much, for the good part or before the 20+ crisis in life.
Come 20+ age and these signs again begin to show up in our lives when our job sucks and we get into some field which we never wanted to be a part of. We get into relations and boredom seeps in after sometime. Or being single gives us a crappy feeling of being alone in this world; a kind emptiness in heart!
I look at my friends and then I tell them – “Since you haven’t got what you wanted to, don’t stay unhappy or feel dejected. Try for something you also wished for and till that time, give the best efforts in what you do, if at all, you really want to be happy. Cribbing will never relieve you of the empty feeling or boredom. Get out of your comfort zone and face the challenge. You are capable of much more than what you imagine yourself to be.
As far as relations are concerned, if you are single or double (:D), keep trying new things and never lose hope. There might be some mundane times but with your efforts, they will fade away. “
For friends, who have had break offs and can’t seem to overcome, this is for you – “You are much stronger than you know. Experience the freedom and give a damn about the empty feeling. It’s really fake!”
It is so simple- “Break your boundaries of comfort and experience new highs! Just face it and get a life. Fly high and then just DIVE!”

Love will find a way!

Strange ..very strange.. How things turn out to be in life?! How two people meant to be one soul are helpless in the hands of fate!

I have a blogger friend who is a sharing a beautiful relationship with his long distance blogger friend. Both are hopeless romantics, which you will know in a short while. This guy is a Brahmin and the girl is a Christian. Both have had a break off earlier and were not able to trust anyone. But soon, while writing blogs, both of them hit a chord with each other and have fallen heads over heels. They are the most romantic acquaintances I have known.

The guy always used to write funny blogs. One day I asked him to try a new genre and then he wrote something very beautiful (idiotic as he says) about a girl with whom he has discovered ‘LOVE IN FRIENDSHIP’ (as he says). I rejected this fact that this kind of relation is actually Love which he is not able to accept. He agreed and even told me that I can find the girl’s name in his blog by collating the first letter of each paragraph in order. I was mesmerized by such an ingeniously beautiful gesture of love.

His friend read his blog and pretended not to know whom he was talking about. A day later, she wrote another blog using her friend’s reference and showing her deepest feelings for this guy by using her friend’s cover in the blog. I must that was witty but we all know in such cases, no such friend’s exist ever. Also, she wrote the guy’s name in reverse in every first letter of the paragraph. So, that says it all..
They are both madly in LOVE but still they know that caste would be a big issue which they will not be able to handle. So, they have discovered their Love in most romantic FRIENDSHIP where they are willing to grow together, understand the world and face the worst in Life with a SMILE in the driving Light of moon and the fragrant winds of time.

Hmhhm..It’s really sad when you see that caste and not distance is the reason. I have seen many friends who crib about Long distance relations as their reason for break off. Is it really true?? How can physical distance matter when two hearts are so close? I just wish that they be happy in what suits them best because GOD has his own ways which are beyond our understanding or reasoning.
And yes, there are other friends of mine who know that just because of caste they will not be together. Yet they are so in Love of friendship that the only thing that matters to them is to ‘Stay happy till the time they are together and that is the beauty of their relation.’

I am learning newer and newer intricacies of Life..and ..of Love!

Some people have it all and they fail to realize.. Some realize but are not ready to accept..and then…Some are ready to accept but they cannot have it all.. Sad ways of life!

But..LOVE HAS NO BOUNDATIONS..it will find a way..

Rendezvous with GOD

How many times in life have we known that this is it..the end!
How many times do we know that it was not meant to be?!!
Or how many times do we actually feel that our loved ones are so dear that you would do just anything to keep them happy and safe..

Surely, there isn't any measure, with the tricks and traps of life. The only one thing which reconciles us is the ultimate FAITH on the one supreme being.... I can now say that because I have been obliged by GOD's presence and his blessings on me and my loved ones so many many times.

My mother is a Paditji kinds..very dedicated to Pujas and Fasts and my Dad, the opposite. He used to tell us 'Beta..jitni shraddha ho utni puja karo.'

So, I developed a very mediocre kinds faith towards the pujas of my own formless Gods. Later God began to shape up into Ganeshji when I heard his story of taking circles around his parents on being asked to circle around the universe. I was mesmerized by him and immediately he became my iconic God.

There was a famous Hanumanji temple also near our house where only males were allowed (as written on the board outside). Being always a rebel, I always went to that temple and had one-sided fights with him...like "Why I can't pray to you and all. I will not follow any norms or logic and continue doing so." Fighting with God and convincing him was so easy.Coz he never used to fight back.

It was some time last year when I was at my worst.I didn't even knew as to whom I should blabber out all what I had in my mind. Loads of negative feelings and loads of confusions. It was one of these days when I was crying as usual and asked him - "Why I can't have a single friend to whom I can share without giving any explanations??"
And then, two of my oldest good friends called me for no reason. This was a surprise as they had not cared to remember me, in the last one year (well both of them have a cool attitude, which may be the probable reason). I then blurted out all and they were so calm on listening out to me. My problems were minimized, not sorted though.

The next week was even worse. I worrying and asking him, to please make my life better, just this one time..and I slept. Here comes the bestest part of my life-I had a dream in which I saw my colony's temple and the Ganeshji's statue inside. I was standing in it and praying and Then...Tadaaaa..
I just opened an eye and saw REAL Hanumanji peeking at me from behind the statue. He just raised his hand towards me and then he was gone...

I woke up about an hour later, with a deep calm settling into my mind and the strength to talk to my parents. I called up my parents immediately and told them all whatever was going on and they are just the best. As always, they listened and said - 'We will do whatever it takes to make you happy and you do what will keep you happy in future. Don't worry about your job or anything. We are there to take care of you always." And that was it! 'The End' of all my problems.

That's how I realized that My God's are with me always in the form of my parents.
And despite the worst accidents they have had, they are surviving and keeping well because there is another supreme power to lend me and my family a guiding light.I just wish they remain the same: happy and well..(my wish on their anniversary this year and every year :) )

Thank You God! It was nice meeting you. You surely surprise me! :)

Deep impact!

Movies actually meant for fun, sometimes leave a strong impact deep within. I am lucky to have watched such masterpieces and Yes, I have actually understood some very basics of life which go a long way in making it beautiful!

Sharing some of them with you -

Finding NEMO - I have watched this movie..over 20 times or so, a real good piece of animation where the baby fish, Nemo has only one wing developed and still he thinks of making it BIG. His father does not trust his capabilities but still he gets into trouble and then again he gets out too in a funny way while helping loads of other fishes. He makes loads of friends in his journey and emerges out as clear winner despite of his shortcoming and then..
All trust him, since he proves himself to one and all.
I can always relate so much to this character. I may be bogged down several hundred times but I always smile and tell myself that this all will not last long and surely I will see sunshine. And..it does happen always, just like magic. All I need is a little patience.

The Ugly Truth - Basic message.."Live life freely and not by checklists and then accept the truths in your life, however UGLY they may seem. You will much more happier."

If Only - I would not like to disclose the story of this movie here because the message delivered, needs to be felt.
"The most important gift we can give some is our TIME!"
"We cannot alter your destiny. But we can only alter the choices we make in life."
"There is only one remedy to anger and hatred -and that is LOVE"
"Life does not end with one person, it goes on with the beautiful memories and some sad ones too."
"Love someone as if he/she will not be there with you anymore."

Well,I agree to all above but the last one.
Why does it always happen that you realize a person's worth when he/she is no more or leaves you?
Why are we so busy in life setting priorities like job, money, status, friends etc. that we ignore the one person who loves us and he/she takes the bottom-most priority?
Is it always necessary that we understand how important someone is for us when we are dying or when he/she is dying or maybe leaving?
Why can't we just cherish the times together and share the load of priorities together and makes our life worthwhile?

The choice is in your hands - To savor the relation, stick to it through all thick and thin times and not apply terms and conditions to it.
Live every moment and love every bit of it with your loved ones.
Time is too short for holding grudges and not communicating. Be it bad or good, never stop communication, because it's the only way where the bridge opens up, even when the doors of heart close.
If the terms are being applied, better opt for the right choice of quitting the burden for yourself and your special someone. This may seem like a bad option now but will benefit both in the long run, for sure.

Simply amazing movie. The best lessons which I have learnt, I credit it all to this movie.
Love your beloved and make them feel special every day despite your busy schedules because it's easy to give them Time when you are free but what matters is how much you care to take those 2 min out of your busy times to remember that someone out there still loves you and always needs to know that you will be there, forever after!

Understand your ENTITY!

Observing people(one of my favorite hobbies)..has given me a deep insight into the classic varieties of human nature when it comes to serious relations. After years of observations and counseling my friends, I am now able to identify or rather categorize every lone person(entity), I meet, into one of the following types...

One who means it but can do nothing about it. - Ever heard an entity saying - ' I will love my ... until death does us apart'?? Yes, I'm talking about this variety where the entity is all hearts for the relation but when the time comes to stand up for it, this entity loses the courage to even talk or stand up for the relation. It thinks -'Killing your feelings or the other person's feelings and getting into Silent mode is the best mode of fighting back the world!"
My take- Atleast you should have tried yar...who cares what the result is. It may be as bad..as it is now, but at least you would have the satisfaction that you tried!!

One who doesn't mean anything and it hardly matters whether he/she does anything about it or not.. - Wo..Wo...This entity is all hearts for you and the purrfect definition of all story book romantic character. Everything is pure bliss with them, but Yenna rascala, Mind it! This entity is good and by the time you realize it's full goodness, you have already been used. A purrfect killer whose sole purpose is to hurt.
My take - Use your brain and not your heart everytime. If someone is praising you for no reason (which only you know better), avoid..run..get away fast..very fast!

One who means it and will go to all lengths to make sure.. - A darling entity, a rare creature nowadays. Rarely will you find such entities who are true to the core to themselves and to the one person who means the world to them. I don't say that these are daring enough to elope but yes they will leave no stones unturned to make sure that the one person it love is safe and happy always. Whether this entity is far or near, it will always make it's presence felt by small gestures which makes the person feel special.
My take- Never hate such a person because that even when this entity may or may not be there always, it has wanted the best for you and love you to the core.

One who is confused that they if he/she really means it or not! - This entity has been hurt by one of the first two kinds and will always fail to trust anyone next time, even when the feelings are strong. It will always be confused and keep on spreading this confusion to others. Sadly enough it's only when they get to meet the entity of the third type, will their fears disappear.
My take- Avoid such person too if you are not of the third type because you will only get more hurt in your dealings with them. They will always be confused and will also drag you in their category. Beware!


People have their own reasons to fall into one of these types..and that does not mean they are bad!
I won't say..keep on judging people based of this categorization but yes..You have all the right to save yourself..if you can..
And, If by chance..your entity turns out to be of the third type..the rarest of kinds...never ever let it go!! Hold onto it, tight..very tight.. :)

Making Life COMPLICATED!

Or is it already???? And you have come here searching for an answer.
Wow..Good Thought..but sorry boss..

I may try and tell you things but that may not be what you will like to hear..You will justify, reason out, try to understand.. and then..leave this blog..frustrated or rather more frustrated then ever.

For those of you who have faith in my counseling sessions[ ;)], I actually have a little something for you..

Talking about Career complications !! Hmm..Ya..Even I have been dealing with the thought of trying to prove myself, to God knows whom. Most of the times we fail to meet our own standards and then the same old story of being unsatisfied etc etc.
My Advice- Set reasonable long term goals, benchmarks may be short term. This will help you a lot because sometimes even if you compromise on short term goals, you know that it will pay off rewards in the long term.
Like if I'm earning say 10K..and my friend double than me: NOW. I have only one assurance that..10 years down the line, will it really matter? Because my needs at that point of time will decide it and if I have the caliber, then I will surely be at par.

Complicated Relationships..That's the latest one..I have heard of late. People fall into a relation.. a beautiful one.. then again, the brains are used, logic is derived to segregate MEN as creatures from Mars and WOMEN as Venus beings and you pop out!! :) Total CRAP!!
Try and read all this and you will come out more than a moron on this deep and exciting subject. Find out 1001 ways of playing hard with someone in order to get him/her..or rather apply rules..of 'HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE', and still you will get nowhere..I would say it would work out maximum times but in the end you know it all in your heart and consequences will be evident at some point of time..making things more complicated. SO, just be simple.
I know you would say, faith has been lost sometime, you want to take revenge and you will want to flirt, try and complicate friendships with Love and then again, back to square one, you lose it all.
My Advice - Accept the happy feelings and share...loads of it. Nothing more, nothing less. If it happens, it will be for good and if it does not then you are so good yourself :)
Just appreciate yourself and people around you 100 times a day, and you will see the difference.
You will fall in love with yourself over and over again with approx. the same effect on the people you actually love.

Disclaimer - These are purely my pravachan with the basic fact - Accept life as it comes and don't try to reason it out everytime. Live it and love it! Create the magic, you already are.

Tit Bits of Happiness

Life's moving fast.

And here I am recounting days where I have actually been happy. Just a thought, since I am idle these days. Somewhere down the memory lane, I had thought that I will remember only things that were grand or which were a turning point in life. But now when I recall, it's the smallest of gestures by friends or the foolishness of age which have mattered the most to me.

I remember the day when me and my friends played tirelessly for 7 hours as soon as our board exam paper was leaked. We even went for a picinic to aeroplane park..5 of us..on one scooter.

I remember having the first crush (along with 30 other girls of my class, to be specific 7th standard) when 2 Russian students came for an exchange program to our school. What fun it was to watch girls do crazy things like dating those guys and write love letters.Had I been less studious or more spoiled types..even I would have done that but it worth watching them all, acting crazy. :)

Teasing guys made my day, when they got serious for some girl in class 4..haha.. so kiddish, it was.

And yes, how can I forget,.. being a tom boy kinds, I even had a duel with a guy and punched him real hard but sadly, he was stronger. What a waste fight it was.

College time, the best and the most gala time if my life. Made so many friends..knew almost all my batch. Thankfully none of them was pretentious and even though grown up, they were kids at heart. Driving to college..52kms round trip on marine drive..reaching at 10am and leaving at 12:30pm after waiting for friends and then reaching home...7:30 pm was a routine, we never missed; no matter how many classes we bunked. Any believe it or not, we bunked it for playing 'Chain' or 'Pakdam Pakdai' on the lake side. Many courtships did develop and are still on for good. :)

Side by side..going to the dam after our morning coaching class and teasing the couples there, was another of our time pass. We even used to throw pebbles at them and run off. Can't stop laughing, thinking about it. Forgot to mention about the accidents too..major time headon collisions while learning bike..car..and what not.

Infy times..a separate place altogether..both at home and in office. Missed my college life like anything. Considering my personal acquaintances, I have found that the ratio of me being friends with girls has always been 1/4 of me being being friends with guys. Simple reason, my parents have always treated me as their son :). So, I found it really hard to make friends with my roomates. But lately, that barrier is broken.

I have had some really good times with them watching Mamaji's habits and learning tactics of tracking guys or searching them on FB or orkut(for their marriage)..haha..total fun..no intention. I remember the times when I have been real sick or during my exams, when they have cared for me in their best possible way.
When they have helped me grow out of home sickness..
When they start dancing on any song anytime..
When we started sharing a common hobby of singing..the I-31 hobby

And yet there are some more friends who have touched my heart by their own sweet gestures..
like cracking a PJ when I am in the worst of moods..or waking me up in the morning when I least expect them to..or singing a song for me...in a very gruff voice or by swearing at me..on phone..like the bestest of friends.

I'm smiling today. And wish to..even when this Life tries to overtake me. Thanks to all who have made my life worthwhile..an continue to do so..You matter a lot to me..

My outburst!!

I had always thought that I if start blogging..it would turn out to be something gross, something of the kind, I'm writing today..I just hope it gets better over time.

I have never wanted to blog..never ever..wanted to break my shell..not this way at least!
Reason?
It kills the very essence of my being someone, whom no one can ever understand. I really doubt that apart from my parents, my brother and some very good friends, any one has taken efforts to know the real - 'me'.

Most of them judge me, they laugh at my PJs. They say I'm bossy, loud mouth and heartless.
Oh!..I am already crying out aloud for always being misunderstood.

I'm pondering over things, over the explanations which I sort, for what I'm today:

Agreed I'm Bossy and have a sharp tongue.
Reason: It's the crap that people give me. They think that they can make the best use of me and my beloved family. But sorry boss, that's not happening with me around, at least!

Agreed that I'm the best PJ cracker in town.
Reason: The frustration which my career graph gives me..it just sucks to know that I have been the best of lot always. Somewhere, I have compromised with my priorities and I also know where. But really being cheerful by my own PJ's does help. It even helps the people around me and gives me some fresh air..

Agreed that I have turned heartless.
Reason: My dreams have been shattered time and again.My feelings questioned..
I had always wished to be the best daughter, make my parents proud..but for now..that's not happening..don't even know when this wait will be over. Cherry on the cake is the marriage on cards, the worst nightmare..because one thing I know for sure..nobody can make me happy by loving me unconditionally as my parents do. Never wanted to marry since I was a kid. But that has to be..I just can't stand my parent's so sad..when I know that I'm the reason ..when I know they have trusted me so much always.

Agreed that I'm closed and rude at times.
Reason:But that's because I want to save my friend's from getting hurt at a later stage. Better have less pain now then more in the end. I really care for them but by the time they understand this..it's always late.
I hate questions..Y's and what's and how's.. If someone is my friend or loves me..he or she will understand.Explanations or expectations are used by people only when they think of themselves . Can't they really empathize with me for once?? I have a well of feelings in the secret corner of my heart, but I guess, not even one single person in this world will reach it, ever!! I will keep on pretending to be practical and people will keep on taking me for granted. I have stopped expecting, stopped being expressive because I'm scared..very scared. Don't know when I will be able to break my shell.


But now ..after writing all this.. I am so much relieved. I don't know if I'm sharing this with anyone but I just know that I have jotted down 'a piece' of my emotional self, out here. Feels better already...


Even I have dreams of making it big time in life..taking my parents for a world tour, enjoying every bit of life with someone I love( let's just hope my 'would be' solves the purpose), have cute little kids(oh common', I am grown enough to think of this at some later stage), have my NGO and smile ..at all small and beautiful things in life.

Lets keep this between us, shall we?
Someday maybe..I will kick all the bloody backstabbers in my office.
Someday maybe..I will have an MBA degree in my hand!
Someday maybe..I will have my NGO running.
Someday maybe..I will take my parents and loved ones for a holiday spree..be happy in their happiness..
Someday maybe..I will meet the one person who knows me through and through..
Someday maybe..He will propose me with the engagement ring..and the rose..with love in the eyes and we will dance on the soft sound of the heartbeats!
An let's just hope he is a hard core "ROMANTIC" like me. :)